what is sick, sad library?
A repository, a sandbox, an art project, a coping mechanism, a virtual happy place, a commonplace book, a little bit of freedom in an increasingly limited Internet: Sick Sad Library is all of these things and more to me. It's where I stick everything I make as well as all that interests, delights, or inspires me. The Library is, first and foremost, for me, though I hope all who visit enjoy it as well ✮⋆˙
I'm a part of the first generation to have never known a world without the Internet. My childhood experience of unmonitored Internet access was (surprisingly) quite positive. I proved to be something of a prodigy at web-surfing. The World Wide Web felt like a place of discovery and creativity at the time. Flash games, fan forums, niche Angelfire blogs, a version of YouTube where people said "die" instead of "unalive," trails of links forming infinite trees of knowledge compiled by curious and passionate people... I know it wasn't utopian, nor was it untouched by capitalism. I know my nostalgia must be playing some tricks on me. But there's something to that nostalgia; a call-to-action which has driven me to retake control over my Internet usage, to use this tool instead of letting it use me.
Currently, the landscape of Internet-human relations is characterized by a language of surrender, passivity, and decay. "Doomscroll," "brainrot," "terminally online." Once upon a time, we had a vocabulary of active participation, discovery, even skill or prowess: "web-surfing," "cybernaut," "netizen." I am ready to exchange the lifeless rot of algorithm-based social media for a cyber-eco-system of creation and curiosity.
To put it more directly:
If I were to post a photo of my dog on Instagram for my friends to see, some random company is making money off of forcing my friends to see ads before and after that photo, and to keep scrolling once they've seen it. Fuck that! I have no interest in feeding or being fed the slop of techno-capitalism. What I'm interested in is humanity, art, knowledge. Keeping myself sharp, critical, and open. And Sick, Sad Library is a component of this project.
"why sick & sad?"
The name "Sick, Sad Library" comes from a fictional reality TV show called Sick, Sad World which exists within the universe of the show Daria. We get snippets of Sick, Sad World throughout the series, always with outlandish and absurd soundbites - "H2-ugh! Are microbes having sex in your drinking water?!" Besides simply relating to Daria as a character, the indulgent ridiculousness of Sick, Sad World speaks to me - as Werner Herzog once said about trash reality TV, "the poet must not avert his eyes." I'm by no means a romantic - in fact, I see ugliness everywhere and mine inspiration from it, just as Daria and Jane do when they're writing and painting while SSW serves as their background noise.
Furthermore, you could say I, myself, am both "sick" and "sad." I'm neurodivergent and have struggled with mental illness for most of my life (if you couldn't tell), which colors my experience of everyday life. For me, some of the most mundane tasks can sometimes feel insurmountable. (Sometimes, they really are insurmountable). For as long as I can remember, I've self-soothed by compiling and organizing and re-organizing various lists. Lists of books I've read, books I want to read, movies, music, plants, animals, recipes, words, anything I could think of. Before ever working in a library, I'd become the dedicated librarian of my own interior world, purely as a means of comfort and survival. Now, I'm turning that library into a pocket of cyberspace. Hence: "Sick, Sad Library."
